17 Responses to “I’m Trying To Do Too Much”

1. JohnONolan Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 5:06 pm

   Hey Ash, first of all – awesome redesign, I hadn’t seen this version of AshleyBaxter.net before and it looks great!

   Secondly – don’t be too hard on yourself, which I know is always fairly meaningless coming from everyone else, because everyone else’s problems are NOT your problems, and everyone else very rarely understands, but still, it had to be said.

   Obviously we don’t know eachother very well, but we have been in contact for about 2 years now I think – you were one of the first people I EVER followed on Twitter. If anyone were to ask me “who is Ashley Baxter?” I would say she’s a an extremely beautiful young entrepreneur with a mindblowing passion for videogames, she takes some pretty awesome photos too. Maybe that’s not worth anything, maybe it is – but to me (from an outside, vaguely objective point of view), you’re not pigeonholed or stereotyped with anything like “insurance girl” – so in my opinion you shouldn’t let it try to define you too much.

   I think you really “get” the web, so I can definitely see you being a talented developer – and you know I’ve got a shitload of cool ideas for web applications and side projects, so when you feel you’re up to it just drop me a line and we’ll partner up on something cool and change the world

   If you ever need anything that I can help with, you know where to find me!

   John

2. Ryan Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 5:16 pm

   The comment id like to touch upon is this ‘I’d love to work in an office environment with other like-minded people instead of sitting in my home office with my own company every day’.

   You will find that jobs with similar people in who are all of the same interests as you are few and far between. Its extremely ironic that your craving the lifestyle which most people want to get out of and join the lifestyle your living. I am currently freelancing, blogging on the side and working, aspiring to what you have.

   I would say stick at it. Working within a organisation is full of bitching, politics, weird structures which are so hard to conform too. Nothing is difficult. At least where you are you are in a position to work things the way you want to work them.

   I hope it works out for you.

3. Alex Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 5:41 pm

   The grass is always greener Ashley. I used to freelance, I now work for an agency. While I freelanced I wished for agency work, now I’m at an agency, I keep thinking it would be great to return to freelance.

   I spent the last 6 – 12 months wondering if I was doing the right thing in my job, personal life etc. I work as a designer for an agency during the day, then out of hours I produce music, run a label, edit a magazine and a blog. Not to mention trying to have a social life. I found that there was never time to do everything I wanted to do.

   I came to realise that if I really wanted to do something, I’d more often than not, *make* time for it – regardless of what else was on the go. So the things I never got round to, which I’d been seemingly *wanting* to do – were actually things that had been cast aside in favour of better things.

   I’m not really sure if I’ve even got a point here, but one or two people have given me some fairly sound advice recently. One of which was “never stop having fun” – the other was “do what you want regardless of what other people think” – both work for me (yet, not for my self consciousness) – but if you want to do something – just go ahead and do it. Nothing’s stopping you making a big change.

   Also, 22 is young. I’m 26 now, and I’ve been putting lots of things off for too long – I intend to pull the finger out and make some big changes come 2010 – I’ve spent a bit too long waiting for the ideal opportunity, instead of making it.

   Anyways, I expect this most likely made bugger all difference. Just my 2p, since I’d been thinking about similar things of late.

4. Ashley Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 6:06 pm

   @John Thanks, I just put something minimal together so I didn’t have to use a theme anymore. Also, thanks for your very kind words. Nice to know you identify me as a gamer and not “insurance girl”. Though if you ever need insurance I can hook you up Expect to hear from me in the future about a collaboration.

   @Ryan Bear in mind I’m a single woman living on my own. I’m not closing my office door at night and joining my family or flat mates. It’s 100% alone time for me, day in, day out. I think that’s something worth considering when assuming most people crave that lifestyle, as most people aren’t living and working alone. I’d say a balance would be ideal.

   @Alex Again, what I said to Ryan can pretty much be applied here. But working from home wasn’t even what this post was about, but rather how I’m unsure what avenue I want to dedicate myself to. Having said that, I’ve never worked in an office environment and would love to experience it. It’s interesting to hear from someone who takes on a lot themselves, undeniably more than I am doing. Your 9-5 job on top of running a label and editing a magazine/blog. Sheesh! I’ll have what you’re having

5. Ryan Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 6:38 pm

   I think thats where the blend has to come into play with personal life and the business side of things. You have a passion in various things ie the web and video games which arent ‘out of the house’ social type of things. They orientate around in the house activities which doesnt give you the social side you crave.

   I agree that the office atmosphere can be fantastic however it can have its downsides. I am sure if i ever start the freelance lifestyle i may crave the things you miss. What i think you need is a blend, its difficult because sometimes a blend will mean you cut back on other aspects of your life you enjoy, especially with a full time business to run.

   I sometimes find myself neglecting my freelance work or my blog because i deem my full time job and my social life as more important. Sure i want to develop myself on the web but happiness is the main thing. The problem you will face with starting within a company is that financially you probably wont touch the level your currently at. Again its all about a balance. Its also about finding the right job. I know this through experience at my previous job which made life very difficult going to work everyday.

   Just be careful what you choose and from following you, you seem to have some fantastic times in your life, id be more positive Maybe your having a bad day.

   I hope it all works out the way you want. Keep up your fantastic, interesting work on the web.

6. Ashley Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 6:50 pm

   @Ryan I think it depends what kind of office environment you are working in. I would love to share office space with 2, 3 or 4 other people involved in the web industry. Building up to the point where I would have the choice to head in to the office or stay at home and work is perfect. But like I said, that’s not even what this post was about, and I don’t know how the conversation has managed to shift onto that. I am positive, I am happy, but I’m just unsure about what I want to do with my career. I think I need a holiday to recharge the batteries!

7. Ben Lilley Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 7:45 pm

   I think you hit the nail on the head Ashley, you need a holiday. I’ve only been running Pitch for coming up to two years but around December each year I start to burn out. I start wondering if I’m doing the right thing, if I truly enjoy what I’m doing, if I’m truly passionate about it, and if I could be getting a better lifestyle with better pay elsewhere.

   Then I have my Christmas break, (3 weeks this year) and I come back in the New Year ready to kick some ass. Rinse and repeat.

   So I think you just need to take a break from the business, come back in 2010 with a fresh set of goals and a fresh pair of eyes and see what happens.

   With all that said though, there is a couple of things you could potentially look at doing, although these are without knowing your full life/personal situation:

   1) Get the business to a point where the income is good enough to sustain you 90% of your life while also paying someone else wage to do the role you’re doing now. This will allow you to still over see the business while focusing on doing something different without having to stress about money.
   2) Look into co-working space, somewhere where you can go work during the day with like minded people when you feel like it.
   3) Maybe put a little less time into insurance side of things and take up some freelance web development when you feel you’re ready. This will allow you to sample working with other developers/designs and clients so you can see if it’s something you’d enjoy more.

   /end my 2 cents

8. Ryan Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 7:57 pm

   Sorry i shifted the convo slightly.

   Best advice would be the above. Filter your work into someone experienced and trustworthy who can take over the day to day running of the business while you channel your energy into a career path you have chose for yourself as opposed to one you have moved into due to changes in your life.

   It sounds cliche but the best way forward is to try do something you love. You have a perfect platform to build this. Your an exceptionally good designer so id look to do something you love.

9. Dan Says:

   December 3rd, 2009 at 9:18 pm

   Ash, you know what? I think that you work so hard and take on life on so many fronts that you’ve actually managed to work yourself into a mid-life crisis 20 years too early.

   I think that what you need isn’t to focus on yet another thing but to take a step back and approach your current work/social load with a bit more of a chilled out attitude. Sure the insurance business isn’t “you” but you’re making a success of it none the less are you not? Treat this not as the career that confines Ashley Baxter but the means to an end that sets her free. A managing director at 22? Are you freaking kidding me? If that doesn’t afford you the ability to take on your wants at your own pace than what will?

   I suppose what I’m saying is you can go after your passion but this worrying about doing everything all at once is only ever going to be a barrier to that. Even if you were 32 I’d say the same thing. Life isn’t short, it’s the longest thing anyone will ever do. There’s plenty of time for it all.

   On another note. This re-design is out…..standing!

10. Arnold Sideways Says:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    I think you’re in a very good position at the moment. It’s better to have lots of potentially great projects that to have to choose which you want to spend most of your time on than to be stuck in a rut with no ideas of what you want to do and just passing the time. Still, taking a view of the big picture and wondering whether what you’re doing now is what you really want, is something everyone should really do quite regularly. Not everyone finds something they want to spend their life doing and sticks with it forever, so even if you decide now what you really want to do, in five, ten years maybe, you might change your mind and feel like a change.

    I, for instance, wanted to be a games programmer since I was a kid. Now that I’ve got there, I’ve shipped 2 full Xbox 360 games, and the games industry is beginning to feel a bit “been there, done that”, and the job is a hell of a lot of hard work for very little reward. I’d quite like a change, but I’ve got no idea what I’d do outside of the games industry. Six years ago when I started this job this was pretty much all I could imagine doing. But your ambitions change over time and you just have to adapt I guess.

    I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that what you’ve achieved already is more than impressive, but most importantly is you now should have the confidence to know that you can make a success out of anything you put your mind to. For now, you’ve certainly earned yourself the chance to take a breather, recharge and take stuff on only when you feel ready. This blog post shows you really are still human and I find your attitude very inspiring.

11. Nathan Says:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    Hi Ashley,

    It has been a while since I’ve had any involvement on the internet lately as far as my own time goes. I know what you’re feeling, and what better way to use your blog as an outlet. It is something I find great, because its proof that everyone is going through the same thing. You are right, we are all different, and we all handle things differently.

    I agree with your tweet about needing a holiday. Your post title is right on the dot, and you definitely have the skills to carry out whatever it is you want to do! The only problem is, you do have too much to do.

    You know how life has been for me lately. From the first time you and I had that conversation on XBL (I believe we were playing a rather shitty/laggy game of Army of Two), I was a totally different person to what I am now. Things shifted so fast, and I was soon finding myself not being able to do what I loved to do (I don’t mean to sound unthankful for where my life is headed). Things really hit the fan when I had too much. Now I’m starting to get back into the flow of things, and I soon realized that I just needed a time to chillax. A necessary part of life, just so we can get back into it.

    I have no idea if any of what I’ve said made any sense, or it was of any help at all, but you are doing an absolutely great job of handling the direction of which life is taking you. Good luck with the upcoming projects and I wish you all the best! Cheers to being 23! =)

12. Nathan Says:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 11:28 pm

    By the way… I ordered “Crush It!” a couple days ago. Just waiting for it to arrive!

13. Ashley Says:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 11:49 pm

    @Ben Good to know I’m not the only one that burns out around this time of the year, although I don’t remember it happening last year. I think it’s because I’ve worked so much harder this year. Anyway, I might take a leaf out of your book and award myself a lovely 3 week holiday. This time of the year is particularly quiet in the property market — maybe I should take advantage of that? Also, your suggestions — or rather your ‘2 cents’ — are very helpful. I appreciate it

    @Dan Haha, I think you’re right. I really need to relax about things and trust where my life is headed. “You can go after your passion but this worrying about doing everything all at once is only ever going to be a barrier to that”. Very wise words Dan, I’ll have to remind myself of that next time I work myself into a frenzy. And thank you RE the redesign. It’s just a quickie, but glad you like it!

    @Arnold Absolutely, I do realise I’m in a good position. I hope no one took my post to be a complaint about my life, as I do feel grateful every day for where I am at 22 years of age. I guess I want to achieve more and strive to be better at what I do, and that pressure coupled with no holidays has resulted in, well, this. You’re right about ambitions changing, and since it sounds like yours are I hope you figure out what it is you want to do since the games industry isn’t challenging you.

    @Nathan I thought you had disappeared! Seriously. Good to see you back on the internets, and thanks for the comment. I’m glad I blogged about this as it’s made me realise how much I need a bit of time off. I’m glad Christmas is just around the corner. I bet you’re looking forward to spending it with Joyce And enjoy Crush It. It really is an inspirational read.

14. Nathan Says:

    December 4th, 2009 at 1:56 am

    Haha. I haven’t completely disappeared, but of course you will see my Flickr update soon as March 27 is our big day! If you happen to take your time off then and are in the Philippines, let me know eh? I’ll save you a seat!

15. Mark Says:

    December 4th, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    Quickly, first let me say I replied to the twitter you made and it may have seemed like I took it as a dig, I totally didn’t. My true intent was really to let you know it’s normal, we’re all at it, as you can probably see from your replies to this blog post. Alas, the limitations of 140 characters. I’m sorry if my reply was one of the ones that seemed negative.
    Over the recent months I’ve had many similar thoughts to you, I’m not in a job or environment that I enjoy, but I have this safety net of getting an income from something I *can* do (as far as my employer is concerned, I know my skills are less than adequate). It’s all bits of this and bits of that and I’m becoming a jack of all trades and it scares the living piss out of me! (Hot Shots Quote!)
    Some days I just think I would *love* to be on the indie scene, sometimes games, sometimes web development. Some days (again, oddly, like you) I want to start doing video reviews of games or even a show, I even put some money into a camera and iMac to maybe give this a go. Some days I want to combine the two! Stuff like Digg, twit, Revision3 and butterscotch totally blow my mind as they seem to be so out there and so on the ball, I want to be those people but can’t work out when they sleep, eat or even keep ahead of the game!
    But ultimately, I won’t know if any of this will make me happy but will never know until I give it my all and I think that is the biggest hurdle, I don’t want to start something that will fizzle off and die, I fear it, heck I don’t even like touching a new notebook until I know what I’m going to fill it with (total freak, I know!).
    I think an important thing that you could do for start is, like you say, take that holiday and *really* get away from it all, see what you miss, see what you find your self thinking about most of all and maybe, just maybe something will come forward and lead the way. Also, it’s always good to talk and I’m sure that the majority of us, your followers, would be more than willing to lend an ear should you need.
    I hope some of this makes sense.
    Good luck!

16. Ashley Says:

    December 10th, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    @Mark I was worried I had offended some people, glad you weren’t one of them. Sounds like we’re in similar positions in regards to being unsure of what to dedicate ourselves to. I’m glad I have options though. I mean, that’s pretty cool, right? Like I was saying to you via XBL, I’m going to relax a little over the next month with work while have a good think about my future. Also, you should relax a little about starting something but being afraid it’s not for you. I’m pretty sure everyone changes direction at some point in their lives. It would be unnatural to stay in the same spot, and those that do are probably doing it out of fear. Just go with the flow my friend. And hey, maybe I should practice what I preach? :p

17. So, I’ve Made A Decision Says:

    January 12th, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    [...] live inside my head. One of the topics whirring around up there is my job. A lot of this ties into what I talked about last month, about deciding which direction I wanted to take with my career. Even with my 2 week break over the [...]

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